Overview: Even though I never played it I am sure that it is completely awesome.
Plot: As you know I never played this game as I wasn’t even alive during the 1980’s. But I expect it to go something like Mr.T amassing an army of T-ninjas (Sort of like the black guy who thinks he is Japanese in the last dragon and opposes the black guy who thinks he is Bruce lee, except Mr.T isn’t into that nonsense foo. Also Chuck Norris is quite clear on his ethnicity and has in fact killed Bruce lee.) and Chuck Norris trying to stop him. I’d probably expect a scene where Samuel Jackson is on the roof of Chuck Norris’s base and he yells down to Chuck: “The ninjas are coming!”. Then Chuck Norris would burst of out of the glass skylights on a jetpack with akimbo revolvers that for some reason never run out of ammo as he attempts to mow down the ninjas. Unfortunately the ninjas block it with their ninjatos. So then Chuck Norris throws them at the ninjas hitting on in the head causing the gun to fire and shoot another ninja in the foot. Then he pulls out dual sawed off shotguns and mows the ninjas down as the shots spread so they can’t be blocked. And then as Chuck Norris flies through the air on a jetpack another ninja would jump at him, trying to stab Chuck in the head, and chuck would turn around to block the blade with his beard shattering it into pieces. Then Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick the ninja. Followed which by a surprise encounter by Bill Cosby who is Mr. T’s evil minion and general of the first ninja division. But he is actually possessed by Billy Mays whose lust for fame and oxi clean has led him to learn arcane arts.[1]
Graphics: They didn’t focus too much on the graphics so as to perfect the gameplay!
Game play: You are Chuck Norris. You kill shit. With your super kicks.
Sound: It’s beeps and boops.
Final opinion: This game should be distributed only on golden cartridges! It is your duty as an American citizen to hunt down that Atari cartridge pile and dig out all copies of this game to give to starving children in Africa! But not to Vietnamese children. Never to Vietnamese children. Unless by this time Chuck Norris has reintroduced democracy to south Vietnam after mowing down countless Vietcong and rescuing thousands of POW. What I am trying to say here is don’t support communism. Also we could of won Vietnam if congress hadn’t voted not to go back in there to save the south’s ass.
(Note to editor: Disturbingly enough this is an accurate description of the game even though I never played it. Look at videos of the game on you tube. Also please make sure my foot notes are at the bottom.)
[1] If any Hollywood producers or Chuck Norris, Mr.T, Bill Cosby, Samuel Jackson, or Vin diesel read this please make this movie.
DON’T TELL PEOPLE I DIDN’T PLAY THIS GAME.